On to Swirling Notions . . .

It's been . . . well, forever . . . since I posted anything up here, and for that I apologize. But I wanted to make sure you all knew about my other blog, Swirling Notions. It's where I've been pondering as of late about all the things I love . . . most certainly my darling daughter (who just turned ONE!) and family life, but also food and wine and everything in between. I'll look forward to seeing you there.

www.swirlingnotions.com

A Few Notes On Being Mama de Noe

These thoughts have come to me in the past few days and I wanted to capture them, and I thought, what better place to do that than here, with you all?

* For the first few minutes after I put Noe down (like right now), I swear I can still feel the rhythm of her breath in addition to mine, and my arms tingle from the feel of her fingers on them.

* There is nothing like seeing my daughter do a full body wiggle in delight when we put her in her high chair for a meal . . . that's our girl!

* Today, for the first time, Noe laid her head against my chest while she was still awake in the sling, instead of having her arm separating us.

* Tonight, for the first time, Noe let me comfort her to sleep instead of her bottle.

How can I love her more every minute?

Home in Healdsburg!

You know, that embassy guy was right. Noe is a lucky girl to be coming home to this place. It’s a stellar, sunny day and we’ve already enjoyed a morning bottle in the garden (still working on the coffee juggle . . . don’t worry, I’m being careful), a play in the living room, a bath by Daddy, and a lovely visit with our friends Kenny, Nadia and their daughter, Jasmine (10 days younger than Noe), who are leaving tonight to return home to Singapore. Our outdoor table has been christened with ‘sandia’—watermelon—by Noe, which she smeared all over the top. We’re home!

Noe was a total trooper traveler yesterday, all day, from Guatemala to Dallas to San Francisco to Healdsburg. A couple of ear-piercing screams and rants, but mostly just giggles (like a rat-a-tat-tat of ha-ha’s) and smiles that melted everyone’s hearts.

Here are a few highlights from the trip home and Day One in Healdsburg.

* The night before we left, our friend Ben and his wife Cecilia took us out to dinner in the hotel and they reminded us that Noe’s a kid, not a thin sheet of glass. Cecilia had Noe shoe-free and flirting with all the waiters, Ben (we nicknamed him Tio Arroz . . . a few step derivation from ‘Uncle Ben’) gave Noe her first taste of wine, dipping a breadstick in a glass of Malbec (she loved it). Noe ate all of my carrots (sauteed in garlic and butter) off my plate, we stayed out until 11:00 and Noe slept soundly all through the night, and Christopher and I were much more relaxed going into the trip home as a result of the experience.

* Noe fell asleep on my lap on the Guatemala-Dallas leg and I couldn’t stop staring at her for three hours straight.

* Christopher and I had a couple of interchanges that had us laughing so hard we couldn’t breathe. A week ago, our conversations sounded like, “So I collapsed the first half of my novel and I think the narrative tension is much stronger now,” and “This Chardonnay would be really good with crab and mango.” So when, on the plane, Christopher said to me, “Baby, can you hand me that other part. You know, the bug?” and I asked in a full on tizzy, “Tell me you got the Chilly Dilly out of the ice bucket!” the difference between then and now was just so stark it slayed me.

* Noe slept in her bed and us ours until about 4:30 this morning, when I brought her into bed with us. Waking up at 9:00 with our daughter cooing between us was one of the most amazing moments I’ve ever experienced.

* When we took Noe outside for her first walk in the garden this morning, she looked like she’d discovered a treasure. The wind rustled the trees and she looked up wide-eyed as if it were just for her. When a bird whistled, she smiled and cooed. When I told her all about the tomatoes and cucumber and squash and carrots, she bent over my arm and curiously stared at each one.

So far, so very much better than good.

Thank you all for your well-wishes and notes and encouragement through this whole journey. I can't believe we're at the end already. Now on to real life with Noe!

Gotcha From Guatemala!

I smell like baby powder and diapers and mango and teething biscuits and drool, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. It is wild being here in Guatemala with Noe, knowing that this time we’ll be coming home with her. It keeps hitting us little by little; we’ll think, “man, I’m so bummed we’re going to just miss her first tooth,” and then realize that from here on, we won’t miss anything.

It’s also a bit surreal being at the Guatemala Marriott. Our old friend, Ben Villegas, is the General Manager here, so it’s fantastic to be able to see him. But this hotel is knownH as “baby central,” and one lap around the lobby will tell you why. Dozens of families each day meet their baby’s foster families and get the hand-off of their kids (as we did yesterday . . . a tearful affair for everyone but Noe), or rendez-vous with facilitators to be shuttled to the embassy for their final meeting (as we did today) or to pick up their baby’s visas (as we will tomorrow).

Every one of those families has been through an unbelievable amount of paper work, gruelling months of waiting and jumping into the wild unknown, and I respect each and every one for doing so. Yet some are more sensitve to what all parties are feeling than others (someone turned to us in the elevator last night with excited eyes and said, “I’m getting one tomorrow,” as if she were expecting delivery of a cocker spaniel or a dozen tomato seedlings. We didn’t quite know how to respond.)

Here are a few highlights from the past couple of days:

* Noe’s teething and we’ve got an arsenal of toys with all kinds of chewy surfaces, yet what does she just love gumming most? The tags.

* Noe has taken to the sling again. This time, though, we’re better prepared. Christopher and I actually watched the video accompanying the Maya Wrap before we packed up this time (it was hysterical, both of us standing at attention in front of our television the night before leaving, dutifully tightening and loosening our slings in practice). Now she just slips right in and either perches on my hip and watches the world go by or cocoons up against my stomach and pretends the world’s not there at all.

* We decided to brave the fine dining restaurant last night (Noe was cocooned) for a quick dinner and, of course, by the time the salads came, Noe was up and about. We panicked at first, but she laughed all through dinner and ate (well, gummed) all of the tomatoes from my salad and would have gone for more had there been any. Garden . . . here we come!

* What seemed like an hour after dinner—and in real sleep time probably was—we got up for our early morning appointment at the embassy. By the time we got up to the window, almost two hours after arriving, Noe was totally cocooned against me (I love that!), having no idea that the man before her held his fate in her hands. The guy (nice guy) ended up being from Oakland and we spent the bulk of the interview talking about wine country. He opened with the comment that Noe’s a lucky girl to be going home with us to Healdsburg, and I, in my enthusiasm, vowed to bring her up on good wine. Christopher chimed in quickly with, “and good food too!”

* After receiving the final stamp of approval (what a feeling it was when we heard the clunk of that stamp!) the three of us went to breakfast and Noe downed several spoonfuls of refried beans, wore a few hunks of watermelon and gnawed on a plantain (hence, the bath bit below). The girl eats, I tell you.

* This afternoon, Christopher and I gave Noe a bath after breakfast and a nap and got her sparkling clean (quite frankly, after that breakfast, she stunk). Then we decided to give her some mango in a little mesh pouch (thank you Kris Haugen!) to gnaw on by the pool. She ate it up, and then smeared it all over herself in between bites. Next, we thought it would be wise to give her a teething biscuit which, at one point, we caught her smearing in between her toes. When I thought about what we must have looked like as we walked back to the room, it occurred to me that we could have just drizzled maple syrup all over her and rolled her around in Ritz crackers and gotten the same effect. I think we’ll be having another bath today :-).

All in all, I’m thrilled to report that there have been many more smiles and giggles than cries, and what cries there are are quickly quieted by Mama’s arms (or Papa’s!). We’ve got our little girl, and now we’re coming home!

WHAT a Father's Day We Have Planned!!!

Well, we suspected it might be today and, guess what? KJ called today! Our appointment at the Embassy is June 19th! So that means . . .

* June 17th - Fly down to Guatemala

* June 18th - Virginia brings Noe to us

* June 19th - Appointment at Embassy at 7:15 am

* June 20th - We get Noe's passport and visa in the afternoon

* June 21st - We fly back home and land at SFO at 5:20 pm

WOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!!! It's REALLY here! Christopher and I are just so excited we don't know what to do with ourselves. Our baby girl will be here, home with us, two weeks from Thursday!

Here's a little gem from Noe's last doctor's visit in May . . . and there will be SO many more in the very near future!

Will it be Today?

Ugh, I feel like I've been such a bad blogger! Truth be told, I've been totally wrapped up in my blog www.swirlingnotions.com for Clos du Bois and am just blogged out by the end of the day. But we're continuing to get closer to bringing Noe home!

We went down to visit KJ and Heartsent last Tuesday for our 'travel meeting', where we essentially got everything together and notarized that we'll need for our meeting at the Embassy in Guatemala (Side note, Christopher and I realized when we got to Orinda--1 1/2 hours away from home . . . on empty . . . with a giant IKEA shopping list--that we'd both forgotten our wallets. Thankfully, KJ and the crew lent us gas money and I was able to talk Wells Fargo out of IKEA money with our passports. The adventure has already begun!). Now we've got a nifty pink folder that we'll essentially carry with us at all times.

Happily, Noe's birth certificate arrived that same day :-) and we were submitted for the "pink slip" on Wednesday. According to current timelines, that means we could be getting a call anywhere from today through Friday with the date of our Embassy appointment. Yee haw! Then it's Noe, here we come!

Sunday Thoughts

Whew! Big week Batman. Christopher and I have been absorbing the news that we're cleared to go get Noe in just a few weeks at the same time as we've been settling into the novel schedule of Christopher's new job at Cakebread. In a way, I think this first transition will make the slide into Life With Noea bit smoother. But I could be way wrong on that one ;-).

After speaking with KJ again this week, we've got a bit more info, so I thought I'd update here.

1) Noe is OFFICIALLY our daughter! The birth-mother's last sign-off has already happened, so Noe is legally our child.

2) Our lawyer submitted for a new birth certificate last week, which should take roughly two weeks to receive.

3) After we get the new birth certificate, the next step is to apply for a "pink slip," with the Embassy, which is the super-official "you're done" piece of paperwork. It will have the date of our appointment at the embassy on it. KJ says it's taking about four days from the time of getting the birth certificate to the time of receiving the pink slip. And then appointments can be 5-7 days after receiving the pink slip.

4) All of that means that our appointment will most likely fall somewhere during the week of June 11th, with a slight possibility of it falling during the week on either side.

5) Yes, we'll get the call with the date and will be traveling just a few days later. (!)

As you can imagine, we are so, so excited to be here, so, so close to bringing Noe home! We're working through the last of our to-do lists (baby-proof, install child gate, etc.) and are just ready, ready, ready.

We'll keep you posted when we hear anything more!

We're Out of PGN!

Hallelujah! The long awaited "call from Kelly Jo" came today -- and it was GREAT news! We're out of PGN and are on the last leg to bringing Noe home!

I got KJ's message at 5:03 today and could hear in her voice that she had good news, but I was worried I'd missed her at the office and would have to wait all night to hear anything "official." Bless her heart though, she waited by the phone and twiddled her thumbs until I called back, and I'm still waiting for Chris to walk through the door (he finished up his second day at Cakebread today) to tell him!

So if I am interpreting the notes that I scribbled correctly, it looks like we should be going to Guatemala to pick Noe up in anywhere between 3-6 weeks. Oh my gosh! To have the worry of "what if we get kicked out of PGN?" gone is just amazing . . . oh -- Christopher's home, got to go!

WOOO HOOOOO!!!!

Right...the accident

Christopher here again; can you believe this? Two recent posts from me. I've got a lot to catch up!

Lia mentioned in an earlier entry that I’d tell you about the auto accident we experienced while in Guatemala City on our recent visit. Thankfully everyone was ok.

So, we’re in the taxi, on our way back to the airport and all of the sudden BRAKE LIGHTS! It’s one of those moments when you brace for the hit, either in front or in the backend. In slow motion, I checked the rear view mirror; Lia turned around to look… SMACK! Ouch, that hurt.
We all got out of the cab. Several other cars piled up behind us, all crinkled from impact. Thankfully, everyone was traveling around 25-30 mph, and, it was a good crunch. Knowing our mission, we quickly grabbed our bags and I hailed another cab.

Roll forward after cab #2, another 10 minutes. Whew; we made it to the airport. After going through security, we’re standing at the ticket counter and I began to count our bags: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, pause… 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. “Honey, we’re missing a bag, we’re supposed to have 8,” I said. “It’s the one with the video camera, Ipod and money.”

We’re not having a particularly good morning as we’d just left Noe; now, an accident and missing this bag. The melt-down was imminent.

After the woman standing in line behind me finishes her cell phone call, I asked her to use her phone. I explain our situation, in my choppy Spanish, and she of course obliges. I then called the Quinta Real hotel and explained (thankfully in English) what happened. The receptionist asked me to hold for a moment and came back not 2 minutes later and says that she’s dispatched another taxi from the hotel to drive to the accident sight and retrieve my bag, should it be there. She further instructs me to go back outside of security and wait at the arrivals curb saying that if her associate does indeed find the bag, he’ll be there within 15 minutes.

Not 10 minutes later, I see this gentleman I recognize from the hotel walking swiftly towards me. I look from his face to his hand, and, he’s holding our bag. With a huge smile he gives me my bag. I thank him profusely, and after giving him a very nice tip, I quickly make my way back into the airport. The security agent flashes me a big smile when I show her my bag, “I got it!”
As I returned to Lia, I saw two women standing very near Lia and all of them in an animated conversation. As Lia will tell you, the cell phone owner was a faith healer and she started praying over her the moment I walked back out to retrieve our bag. Just incredible.

As we finished getting checked in at the UAL counter, an airport employee came over to us and asked what just happened, seeing the commotion. We of course told him the whole story. He was overjoyed. Obviously, another amazing experience; these are the Guatemalan people!

Why Guatemala?

Christopher here…has Lia done an incredible job with this blog or what!?! With this only being my second entry, I’m very thankful for all of her work, and insight, she’s so faithfully been posting. And, I’m really excited to be sharing this piece with you. We’re often asked, “why Guatemala?” So, here’s why...

As Lia and I wait (and wait and wait) for Noemi, among the many things I notice is that I’m constantly blown away by how Guatemala has come into our lives with such wonder, intensity and purpose. This country, more specifically this little girl, clearly chose us. I’ve been replaying the many moving experiences we’ve had over and over again in my mind, from the past seven years of visiting this dangerously beautiful country. It is a gorgeous land of amazing people and stunningly, dramatic simplicity. We have been blessed to experience many dazzling destinations folded into this planet, yet Guatemala holds an incredibly special place for us.

We were truly privileged to have our lives changed during our 7-month “Salva Vida” (Life Saver) journey in 2000, when we drove from San Francisco to Costa Rica, and then back home. It was on this trip that Guatemala, and really its people, stole the show and our hearts. Its beauty is way more than skin deep; it was the way the people spoke to us, with how they show up in life: joyfully, graciously, simply and filled with a huge spirit of thanks.

I’ll never forget the day we arrived in Guatemala; we ended up crossing the Mexican-Guatemalan border without really meaning to (a whole other story). We wound up in the town of Malacatan and soon walked its tiny main street looking for a dinner spot. After a great meal filled with warm hospitality, we strolled back to our hotel. Suddenly, live exuberant music filled the air. We came upon an outdoor assembly of folks with their hands in the air, swaying, singing and women clad in black sobbing, even wailing.

Lia and I, not having been to church in several weeks, were curious and comforted. As we approached the sunset event and tucked ourselves into the back of the congregation, we were instantly aware that we indeed were the only gringos. Person after person looked to us and offered their inquisitive smiles. The pastor welcomed us. Men immediately stood up to shake our hands and receive us as one retrieved chairs for us. Children giggled and engaged us, asking us English translations for Spanish words. Widows, presumably from the intensely sad “disappearances” stood and offered their pleas and their praise. Wow, this was intense.

We sat in awe. Most importantly we were engulfed by God’s grace and love, so far beyond what we could have ever orchestrated for the night. What a welcome.

And, there’s more, lots more; I’ll share the one that sealed the deal. On our return from Costa Rica, four months later, we stopped in the magical colonial city of Antigua, intending to visit for a few days. We so fell in love that we ended up staying in Antigua for 3 weeks and nearly began a search for an apartment; and we had begun devising a business idea to sustain us—again, another story. Ultimately, we did not to stay because Lia had a client meeting in Cabo San Lucas, in about a month, and we needed to be there. That’s the first time I met our dear friends, Nadia and Kenny who now live in Singapore with their new daughter, Jasmine.

Here’s the thing, on our first night in Antigua, our Explorer got broken into. In the early morning hours, a front desk clerk wrapped his knuckles on our door saying something about Rex’s window being broken. It was the only night of the entire trip that I didn’t park our family member in a secured car park.

After a two-day window replacement excursion to Guatemala City, we returned to the ancient Central American capital of the New World. It was here in Antigua we learned something really important about ourselves. Of course, we could have been bitter about the rip-off (and believe me, we had moments of sheer frustration and anguish), and it was challenging not to be. Or, we could choose our response, which my wife astutely pointed out, is what really defines people.

So, we added up the value of what we lost in one bag—a “catch all” duffle bag—and realized it was more than the annual average income of a Guatemalan. We found this fact absolutely heart-breaking. And, after filing our police report, Lia and I landed on wanting to do something for someone(s) in Antigua, matching the value of what we “lost.”

On the next day, we took a city tour and asked our guide about giving to this community. Elizabeth Bell, an American living for years in Antigua—and very active in the community—referred us to the Godchild Project, or Familias de Esparanza (families of hope) as it’s known in Antigua. We went over to check out the facility and were moved by what we saw. Families, children and staff building, teaching and learning together in this growing compound with the sole purpose to serve those seeking freedom from circumstance…their poverty.

We were mesmerized by the sight of the families showing up with such hope and wide smiles, in search of improving their prospects for housing, education, health care, etc. The staff was fantastic and we immediately signed up. That day in April of 2000 we met Rene Antonio Selen Valasquez and his mother, Maria Elena and his grandmamma, Rosa. And, our life was changed. Its people gave us a new perspective; a perspective that we needed to know and embrace 7-plus years later, on November 17 when Noemi chose us.

On our trip down to meet Noemi in February, we returned to Antigua to visit Rene and family. This was our third time to be with them; we visited in 2002 as well. He’s 14 now and keeps the family blessed by Common Hope with his commitment to education, the primary accountability factor of the program. We are the ones blessed. Yes, this photo is from our recent visit.

And, last year we picked up another family member, Mayra. Our dear friend Marilee Wingert introduced us to this industrious soul. Marilee and her husband, Steve, are amazing people; they've started a foundation to serve women in Guatemala. Mayra, yeah, that's her on the right in this photo, goes to college now and we can’t wait to meet her as well.

Who would have thought we’d have a Guatemalan family like this? Please, let me be clear, the purpose of telling you about this miraculous Guatemalan connection; it is not to extol our virtuous character! Oh no, it is to praise the God of wonders.

Thanks for reading. If you’re curious about Common Hope, please visit http://www.commonhope.org/

If you're curious about sponsoring a young woman to advance her education, please let me know.

Showered with Blessings!

First, let me start by saying, I never in a million years thought I'd be having a baby shower (nor did I ever desire one, up until a couple months ago). Then let me follow that up by saying, HOLY COW THAT WAS FUN! I could not imagine a more perfect shower for me.

My Mom flew in the Thursday before and was joined by my dear, dear friends Julie Curtin and Janis Milham on Saturday (all of us at left) -- which was a gift in and of itself. Sunday, the day of the shower, was a Halcyon day. The sky was that brilliant, almost transparant blue in the springtime sun and just felt like a benediction over the day. I told Chris Hanna (who was the mastermind and gracious hostess to the fete along with Jann Forth, Joann Ferguson and Honore Comfort . . . all of us are there below) the next day that I felt like the house itself was smiling.

As women streamed in the door and took up glasses of pink champagne (yum) and conversation and plates of fabulous food (Honore made the most succulent gravlax I've ever tasted . . . and homemade pate de campagne . . . and grilled pork tenderloin . . . and . . . ) I just kept dropping back to take it all in. I was overwhelmed with grattitude for each and every woman there (and for those of you who were not!), and feel so immensely blessed that they are a part of my life and had come to celebrate Noemi de Leon with me. It was humbling. OK, I'm crying.

Anyhooooo . . . after the incredible lunch, we watched the world premiere of the "Our Time in Guatemala" DVD by Christopher Huber, which provoked many a box of Kleenex to be tossed across the room. To hear Noe giggle and razz, to see her wriggle and laugh. Uggghhh, it is divine, and yet it just shreds my heart. Not going to cry. Up next was Joann's clever (if disgusting) game (and the only one I might add . . . thank you Joann!) -- identify the baby food. In case you were wondering? Yes, "Bananas Supreme," "Chicken Lasagne" and "Mac and Cheese" all taste the same when coming out of a jar. I, a woman who makes a living writing about food, did not come remotely close to guessing what any of the five were.

And then, there were the gifts. Lots and lots of really, really, really cool gifts. So many that I can't go into any one here. Suffice it to say that Noe will be an extremely well-dressed, well-shod, well-read, well-bathed child with a bevy of fun things to play with and cool things in her nursery. And her parents have sweet, sweet photos to keep them company during the wait, and a stylin' ride for when Noe arrives. I was absolutely blown away. Thank you to all.

And, alas, there was a sweet ending too . . . of Jann Forth's famous chocolate cake in cupcake form accompanied by buttermilk cupcakes with buttercream icing. Oh my. Yes, I had one of each. Jann even sent everyone on their way with a box of her homemade truffles. I couldn't . . . well, just one ;-).

Thank you to all the women who were there in body, spirit or both . . . you are all so very dear to me!

Each Day a Day Closer . . .

I've been remiss in updating the blog and I was thinking about why tonight. We got the recent edition of Adoptive Families magazine a couple of weeks ago, which Chris and I usually devour in the first day, but we haven't touched it yet. So today I took it to read on the stairmaster and almost broke down crying three times . . . that feeling that something is going to untether inside of you and uncontrollable emotions are going to just come galloping out. I had to set it aside. I guess the truth is, it all feels a bit tender right now.

The good news is -- we were officially entered into PGN (the Attorney General in Guatemala) last Wednesday, the 14th. KJ says that if all goes smoothly, we could be through in about seven weeks and ready to pick Noe up in another two to four. And that's what we're holding on to. If there is a glitch and our dossier gets kicked out for any type of technicality, then it appears we'd go back down to the bottom of the list and the wait could extend up to five months to get through PGN. The kicker is -- we won't know one way or the other until one or the other happens. Needless to say, we're hoping and praying that that call will be the news that we're through PGN and Noe's almost home.

The other good news is -- good God, we have an adorable little girl! We got a new update this week from KJ and Noe is healthy and as precious as always. On the homefront, Christopher and I continue to get her room all ready for her (well stocked, I must add, after my shower . . . which will be the topic of another entry) and work out details of what life will look like when Noe's here. So we're making good use of the time between right now and when we get to walk through the door with our daughter for the first time.

No doubt, this is the toughest stretch of waiting yet. As always, your thoughts and prayers mean the world to us.

Back From Guatemala

Hard to believe we left Guatemala a week ago.

It's been a difficult re-entry both emotionally and physically. Physically partially because we were rear ended on the way to the airport in Guatemala and were quite sore for the next few days (there's a whole fantastic story of a hidden blessing in there, but I'll let Christopher tell that one). Emotionally more than we bargained for.

On one hand, I was buoyed for the first few days with the task of finishing my FINAL edits on my novel in order to get it out to my top-pick agent. The agent had requested it because of a glowing referral by Catherine, the editor-become-dear-friend that I've been working with, while we were in Guatemala. And we were both ecstatic by the arrival of our 'pre-approval' notice from the US Embassy in Guatemala -- the last piece of paperwork we've been waiting for to enter PGN. But now that the manuscript is off and Noe still isn't here with us, the house feels even emptier and the wait twice as hard! Great things to be waiting for though.

Working on Noe's nursery this weekend and attending an 'attachment and bonding' course also made us feel closer to her (I'll post pics of her room -- it's really turning out cute). But now that the bookshelf is in and the dresser built, it just feels empty without her. The final 'I'm-really-bummed-she's-not-here' blow came Monday morning with the most precious photo from David (attached), the dad/photographer we met at the Quinta Real (see David -- you ARE a star!). The moment he captured with Noe in the sling holding my finger just leveled me (thanks David ;-)!). All I wanted to do was curl up with it and pretend she was here for real.

The other reason our spirits were drooping by the end of the weekend had to do with a flurry of activity in Guatemala over the Hague Convention. We met two couples at Heartsent who had just finished their home studies, and were being 'cautioned' about entering the Guatemala program, with the caveat that adoptions could halt unexpectedly and they could lose everything. Our hearts were just so heavy for them -- that is a horrendously difficult decision to make. It also sent us on a spiral into awful 'what-if' scenarios with Noe. Thankfully, a talk with Kelly Jo yesterday afternoon (and some heavy prayer) pulled us out of the tailspin.

But boy, this waiting is getting tough.

KJ tells us we'll be into PGN (the Secretary of State of Guatemala) sometime later this week, and then it's anyone's guess as to when we'll come out the other end. We're SO excited to be entering this step, since it is the last big one until we get to bring Noe home. But we're also afraid of it. We've heard such bleak stories about families' experiences with PGN, it's easy to get caught up in what-ifs. But I guess it isn't that much different than the rest of the process in terms of -- we haven't been in control of any of this, ever. So why should it feel different now?

As we enter into this 'black hole', knowing our baby girl in all her glory and aching to have her here with every fiber of our being, we are more challenged than ever to 'wait with purpose'. Thank you all, again, for waiting with us.

Noemi . . . Amazing

This post may be a rambling one with lots of typos, so bear with me. Let me update you on the past two weeks -- oh, wait, it's only been 48 hours since our last post! It feels like we've been with our little cacahuate (peanut) forever, and it already feels unthinkable to know we only have hours left together on this visit. Here are just a few snippets from our last two days:

* As cute as she is in the photos, she's a gazillion times cuter in person. I literally couldn't go to sleep last night because I was so excited about waking up and seeing her little face and hearing her coos. When she wakes up, she kind of coos and gurgles for a bit until we go to get her out of the crib, and when she sees us coming, she blinks and those huge eyes open even wider (they remind me of cartoon eyes they're so expressive) and a smile just explodes on her face. I'd gladly wake up at 5:30 am every morning to see that! (yes, Lia actually typed that)

* Can't remember if I wrote about the razz or not on the last post, so I'll write it again. Lia made razzing sounds to Noe the first day and Noe picked up on it immediately and now would spend the entire day trying to master the art if she could (her lips seem to go a bit numb after about 15 minutes and then she gets frustrated). It is so unbearably cute to see this little 10 1/2 pound bundle all squished up in concentration, squeezing my thumbs, finally making the big bubble/drool razz and then looking up into mommy's eyes with this huge excited smile. It just cracks me up. (series of pics down below illustrate this)

* The second night was tough for all of us. Noe was a bit constipated (she pooped a Lincoln log the next morning), and was just incosolable for a few hours in the middle of the night. Now I know what all of you meant by how hard it is to listen to your baby cry and not being able to do anything about it. By 3:30 am, I was bawling too and poor daddy had two of us to comfort.

* Because the second night was such a challenge, we wanted to start off on the right foot for the night yesterday, so we got the room all dark and quiet for her afternoon nap, nice and toasty warm. Then she bawled for nearly an hour and wouldn't give it up. We finally did, and popped her in the sling for a jaunt around our floor. She was asleep in seconds. So we took her down to the bar for a beer (us, not her) and she slept through an hour and a half medley of 80's music videos (Christopher and I were glued to the screen, absolutely no resolve at all to pry our attention away), wrapped up like a little peanut against my tummy in the sling. Go figure. Then, after Christopher and I worked out about 18 contingency plans to get through the night (including sleeping with her in the sling), she went down like clockwork and slept like an angel.

* We've learned that Noe is totally content in the sling . . . until she's not any more. She's perfectly happy entertaining herself propped up on the couch . . . until she's not any more. She loves watching people in the restaurant while mommy and daddy eat and talk . . . until she's not any more.

* I can't even write about leaving yet. It's just too painful. Making it worse is hearing more stories about what a wild card this PGN process is (the next and final hurdle to being able to bring her home). We met a lovely couple here picking up their son, Chester, and heard how painful it was for them to go through a 5 1/2 month ordeal with PGN. Ugh. So we'll just keep re-reading that excerpt I posted about waiting and try to remember that these next few months are still purposeful, even though they'll no doubt be more painful too. (my chest hurts as I type those words)

I'll leave you with some choice photos of our little girl. Thank you all so, so much for your enthusiasm and love and prayers and support and excitement and advice. I can't tell you all how great it is to feel like you're all here with us. We love you.

Hola From Guatemala!

Where to even begin? We've just spent our first 24 hours with Noe and the three of us are just having a ball. When Virginia and her daughter Suzy dropped Noe off yesterday morning, they made it clear that Noe would let us know what she wanted and when, and most definitely what she didn't want. And they were not kidding. Our little one is very tuned in to her needs -- now it's mommy and daddy who are working on learning what she's telling us.

One thing we've learned is that she picks things up very, very quickly. Lia was making a razzing sound with her lips at Noe and, low and behold, 30 seconds later Noe's face was all scrunched up and she had drool hanging from her lip as she tried to imitate. And still, 24 hours later, mastering the art of the razz is still her favorite activity -- so much so that she gets frustrated with herself when her lips start to get a little numb because she's been doing it for an hour and she can't do it as well as she wants to.

Noemi is all smiles for daddy. She loves to flirt with Christopher, giving him a big, wide-eyed smile and then turning away with a coy little nod of the head. Just adorable on both of their parts. Daddy's also been an amazing help to mommy. It's been real teamwork in discovering what Noe needs (do you think she's hungry?) and then what to do about it (oh crap, how are we going to sterilize the bottles?). Daddy has been the go-to man with all the troubleshooting (including sussing out a bottle sterilizer in Guatemala City and making bottles at 2 am).

The big activity we have planned for this afternoon is a walk around the hotel in a sling (she loved it last night, and so did Mommy). Right now, Noe's out cold after a fun video-conference session with Grandma and Grandpa -- what fun for everyone to be able to see each other!

Here are a few photos of our adventures the first 24 hours. Enjoy!

Guatemala . . . Here we Come!

Oh my goodness, so much to report. I've been a bad Mama-poster as of late! First of all, Christopher and I have tickets to Guatemala Feb 21st to visit Noe. I emphasize visit . . . C & I will unfortunately actually have to board a plane without our little peanut and come back home and wait some more. But . . . we do get four whole days with our little girl--just us three at the hotel.

We'll be spending Thursday in Antigua visiting with our God-son, Rene Antonio, and his family. We began sponsoring him seven years ago and have met him twice before -- can't believe he's a teenager now! And I've got some nursery shopping planned. Guatemalan textiles are just gorgeous, so I thought I'd pick up a few yards and have some of the soft nursery stuff made from it, bumpers and pillows and the like.

OK though, enough about shopping. Let's talk Noe! Kelly Jo, the director of the Guatemala program at our adoption agency, visited with Noe and her foster mother, Virginia, two weeks ago and came back with all kinds of photos and updates last week. She said that Noe was giggly and grinning and charming and loves to be held (can't wait to accommodate that request!). She also said that everyone commented on how strong her legs were already. So all very good news. And look at those eyes and those smiles! On the report, out of several descriptors to choose from, KJ chose 'cheerful' and 'content' to describe Noe. How lovely is that?

Timing-wise, we're still waiting for the 'pre-approval' notice from the US State Department. KJ said they seem to be taking a bit longer than normal as of late. Once we get that, our case will be entered into the Guatemalan State Department (PGN) and family court, unofficially dubbed "the black hole" by many adoptive families. We've heard of several cases where dossiers were tossed out because of a typo and had to be resubmitted from scratch. So we're just praying for a smooth ride through PGN once we get the 'pre-approval'; it literally comes down to how picky-ornery-etc. a particular person behind the desk is at any given moment. The process could take 5 weeks, it could take 5 months.

Another thing that has happened is that Noe's birthmother had her appointment with the social worker -- which means three out of four sign-offs have occurred. The last will be in family court.

Once we get through PGN, things really start to fly. The last few steps are getting Noe a passport and a new birth certificate (Noemi de Leon HUBER), and then we get the call with our court date. Christopher and I were a bit shocked to find out that we'll only get about 8-12 days notice before we need to be in Guatemala to bring Noe home. Sort of like, "honey, I think I'm in labor!" I guess, although with a week longer to plan. :-)

Oh Mama

OK, so we promised to be open and vulnerable on this blog (well, maybe I didn't, but I will now), so here goes. We just got the DNA results for Noemi and her birth mother along with a photo of her birth mother. First of all, it was a match (hallelujah!), so we're on to the next stage and officially cleared to go visit her in Guatemala! (more on that below)

But I wanted to capture here a bit of what it felt like to see a photo of Noemi in the arms of her birth mom. I (and I think Christopher too) had kind of dreaded getting that photo in the mail. We'd heard from other adoptive parents that it was quite a shock, and I think I, in all honesty, was afraid I'd see something in her eyes that said she didn't want to give Noe up (she still has to officially 'relinquish' Noe two more times through this process). I expected to feel guilt--that we were taking this beautiful girl away from her--and fear--that she wouldn't want to give Noe up. But I didn't see or feel any of that. Nothing in her eyes or her posture said that she didn't want to be doing what she was doing--in fact, there was something there that made me realize for the first time that this is a good thing, the right thing, for her too. I never thought I'd be comforted and relieved by seeing that picture, but I was . . . amazing how God works. And . . . Noe was absolutely adorable in the shot -- she's got this little grin connecting her chubby little cheeks and her eyes just glow. :-)

So the other joyful part of getting the DNA tests back is that we get to go visit Noe! I booked the tickets last night (3:30 am insomnia booking) for the 21st of February. We're planning on flying down the 21st, going to Antigua to see our Godson Rene Antionio and do some nursery shopping on the 22nd, and then spending the 23rd through the 26th with Noe. Yes -- we get to be with her the entire time! Virginia, Noe's foster mother, and our lawyer Mayra will drop her off at our hotel and we get to spend three whole, glorious days with her. I am literally counting the hours.

And then we have to get on a plane and come back home without her -- uggghhhh. But to be able to see her and hold her and smell her and hear her is absolutely worth the misery we'll go through when we leave. And we're making progress. Once we get something called a 'preapproval' certificate from the state department (which is somewhat confusing, given that we've already been preapproved), then we'll be submitted into the Guatemalan State Department system (PGN), which is the last, big hurdle before Noemi officially being 'ours'. From what we hear, going into PGN is 'like going into a black 'hole' -- you don't know what's going to happen, or if you'll get kicked out on a technicality and have to start all over again. But then again, we haven't had any control over the timing of any of this all along, and I can't imagine anything happening any different than it has. There's no doubt, though, that the waiting is getting harder, and probably will continue to as we move along.

I also thought I'd include some pics of the 'Valentine's' package we sent down to Noemi with Kelly Jo (Kelly Jo left yesterday for Guatemala and will meet both Noe and Virginia, so stay tuned for some fun photos!). It was such fun to put this together for her!

Twenty-nine days and about eighteen hours until I get to hold my baby girl . . .

We've Got Updates!

Oh my goodness, it's been an exciting couple of days! Kelly Jo surprised me on Friday with a stealth e-mail containing the Noe update we've been waiting for. I had been speaking to Karen, the education coordinator at Heartsent, and was expecting an e-mail from her, so I was extra surprised when I opened up the document and saw these precious little brown eyes staring out at me!

Noe is growing into a beautiful little girl at 2-1/2 months . . . she's now at 8.6 pounds and 21.2 inches, sweet thing. And boy, does she look cute in pink or what?

As far as timing goes, Kelly Jo told me on Friday that Mayra, our lawyer down in Guatemala, would be working on coordinating a DNA test with Noe and her birth mother in the next two weeks, and then it would take roughly 2-3 weeks for the results, after which we'll be cleared to visit. However . . . Kelly Jo called today and said that the DNA tests were done today and that our case was placed into the family court process. So those are two steps knocked out in record time (thank you Mayra -- thank you Kelly Jo!) and we're that much closer to bringing Noe home!

Christopher and I went back and forth on whether to go to Guatemala for a visit or not. The reality of just how unbearably difficult it will be to get on a plane without Noe started setting in and we began to question if we were up for the trip. But when we got this update and our little daughter was looking up at us with those sweet eyes, all questions vanished. So if the timing in Guatemala keeps moving along as it has been, we'll hope to fly for a visit at the end of February at the latest. YEAAAHHHH!!!

As for when we'll get to bring her home? Kelly Jo estimates end of spring, so we're thinking sometime between March and June. But who knows . . . I'm going to do a serious surf for cribs right now just in case . . . time to get down to business on getting the nursery ready!