Back From Guatemala

Hard to believe we left Guatemala a week ago.

It's been a difficult re-entry both emotionally and physically. Physically partially because we were rear ended on the way to the airport in Guatemala and were quite sore for the next few days (there's a whole fantastic story of a hidden blessing in there, but I'll let Christopher tell that one). Emotionally more than we bargained for.

On one hand, I was buoyed for the first few days with the task of finishing my FINAL edits on my novel in order to get it out to my top-pick agent. The agent had requested it because of a glowing referral by Catherine, the editor-become-dear-friend that I've been working with, while we were in Guatemala. And we were both ecstatic by the arrival of our 'pre-approval' notice from the US Embassy in Guatemala -- the last piece of paperwork we've been waiting for to enter PGN. But now that the manuscript is off and Noe still isn't here with us, the house feels even emptier and the wait twice as hard! Great things to be waiting for though.

Working on Noe's nursery this weekend and attending an 'attachment and bonding' course also made us feel closer to her (I'll post pics of her room -- it's really turning out cute). But now that the bookshelf is in and the dresser built, it just feels empty without her. The final 'I'm-really-bummed-she's-not-here' blow came Monday morning with the most precious photo from David (attached), the dad/photographer we met at the Quinta Real (see David -- you ARE a star!). The moment he captured with Noe in the sling holding my finger just leveled me (thanks David ;-)!). All I wanted to do was curl up with it and pretend she was here for real.

The other reason our spirits were drooping by the end of the weekend had to do with a flurry of activity in Guatemala over the Hague Convention. We met two couples at Heartsent who had just finished their home studies, and were being 'cautioned' about entering the Guatemala program, with the caveat that adoptions could halt unexpectedly and they could lose everything. Our hearts were just so heavy for them -- that is a horrendously difficult decision to make. It also sent us on a spiral into awful 'what-if' scenarios with Noe. Thankfully, a talk with Kelly Jo yesterday afternoon (and some heavy prayer) pulled us out of the tailspin.

But boy, this waiting is getting tough.

KJ tells us we'll be into PGN (the Secretary of State of Guatemala) sometime later this week, and then it's anyone's guess as to when we'll come out the other end. We're SO excited to be entering this step, since it is the last big one until we get to bring Noe home. But we're also afraid of it. We've heard such bleak stories about families' experiences with PGN, it's easy to get caught up in what-ifs. But I guess it isn't that much different than the rest of the process in terms of -- we haven't been in control of any of this, ever. So why should it feel different now?

As we enter into this 'black hole', knowing our baby girl in all her glory and aching to have her here with every fiber of our being, we are more challenged than ever to 'wait with purpose'. Thank you all, again, for waiting with us.