Oh Mama

OK, so we promised to be open and vulnerable on this blog (well, maybe I didn't, but I will now), so here goes. We just got the DNA results for Noemi and her birth mother along with a photo of her birth mother. First of all, it was a match (hallelujah!), so we're on to the next stage and officially cleared to go visit her in Guatemala! (more on that below)

But I wanted to capture here a bit of what it felt like to see a photo of Noemi in the arms of her birth mom. I (and I think Christopher too) had kind of dreaded getting that photo in the mail. We'd heard from other adoptive parents that it was quite a shock, and I think I, in all honesty, was afraid I'd see something in her eyes that said she didn't want to give Noe up (she still has to officially 'relinquish' Noe two more times through this process). I expected to feel guilt--that we were taking this beautiful girl away from her--and fear--that she wouldn't want to give Noe up. But I didn't see or feel any of that. Nothing in her eyes or her posture said that she didn't want to be doing what she was doing--in fact, there was something there that made me realize for the first time that this is a good thing, the right thing, for her too. I never thought I'd be comforted and relieved by seeing that picture, but I was . . . amazing how God works. And . . . Noe was absolutely adorable in the shot -- she's got this little grin connecting her chubby little cheeks and her eyes just glow. :-)

So the other joyful part of getting the DNA tests back is that we get to go visit Noe! I booked the tickets last night (3:30 am insomnia booking) for the 21st of February. We're planning on flying down the 21st, going to Antigua to see our Godson Rene Antionio and do some nursery shopping on the 22nd, and then spending the 23rd through the 26th with Noe. Yes -- we get to be with her the entire time! Virginia, Noe's foster mother, and our lawyer Mayra will drop her off at our hotel and we get to spend three whole, glorious days with her. I am literally counting the hours.

And then we have to get on a plane and come back home without her -- uggghhhh. But to be able to see her and hold her and smell her and hear her is absolutely worth the misery we'll go through when we leave. And we're making progress. Once we get something called a 'preapproval' certificate from the state department (which is somewhat confusing, given that we've already been preapproved), then we'll be submitted into the Guatemalan State Department system (PGN), which is the last, big hurdle before Noemi officially being 'ours'. From what we hear, going into PGN is 'like going into a black 'hole' -- you don't know what's going to happen, or if you'll get kicked out on a technicality and have to start all over again. But then again, we haven't had any control over the timing of any of this all along, and I can't imagine anything happening any different than it has. There's no doubt, though, that the waiting is getting harder, and probably will continue to as we move along.

I also thought I'd include some pics of the 'Valentine's' package we sent down to Noemi with Kelly Jo (Kelly Jo left yesterday for Guatemala and will meet both Noe and Virginia, so stay tuned for some fun photos!). It was such fun to put this together for her!

Twenty-nine days and about eighteen hours until I get to hold my baby girl . . .