Thoughts on waiting . . .

I was reading an advent devotional this morning and ran across an entry from Henri Nouwen that really struck me and I wanted to share it here. The subject is waiting. As you may know, waiting is the theme of the advent season--the lead up to Christmas. Not in the sense of waiting to get to the presents, but in the context of waiting on the presence of God.

Many people have commented that this wait to bring Noe home must be hard, and it is. But Christopher and I both have a deep sense of calm about it too that is hard to put into words. I felt Mr. Nouwen did such a beautiful job capturing how we're holding this time of waiting and how there can be such a sense of joy in it, that I wanted to share some excerpts with you--read as little or as much as you'd like:

"Waiting is not a very popular attitude. In fact, most people consider waiting a waste of time. Perhaps this is because the culture in which we live is basically saying, "Get going! Do something! Show you are able to make a difference! Don't just sit there and wait!" For many people, waiting is an awful desert between where they are and where they want to go. And people do not like such a place. They want to get out of it by doing something. . . .

. . . But what is the nature of waiting? What is the practice of waiting? How are they waiting and how are we called to wait with them (the characters in the first chapter and a half of Luke)?

Waiting, as we see it in the people on the first pages of the Gospel, is waiting with a sense of promise. "Zechariah, . . . your wife Elizabeth is to bear you a son." "Mary, . . . Listen! You are to conceive and bear a son" (Luke 1:13, 31). People who wait have received a promise that allows them to wait. They have received something that is at work in them, like a seed that has started to grow. This is very important. We can only really wait if what we are waiting for has already begun something in us. So waiting is never a movement from nothing to something. It is always a movement from something to something more. Zechariah, Mary, and Elizabeth were living with a promise that nurtured them, that fed them, and that made them able to stay where they were. And in this way, the promise itself could grow in them and for them.

Second, waiting is active. Most of us think of waiting as something very passive, a hopeless state determined by events totally out of our hands. The bus is late? You cannot do anything about it, so you have to sit there and just wait. It is not difficult to understand the irritation people feel when somebody says, "Just wait." Words like that seem to push us into passivity.

But there is none of this passivity in scripture. Those who are waiting are waiting very actively. They know that what they are waiting for is growing from the ground on which they are standing. That's the secret. The secret of waiting is the faith that the seed has been planted, that something has begun. Active waiting means to be present fully to the moment, in the conviction that something is happening where you are and that you want to be present to it. A waiting person is someone who is present to the moment, who believes that this moment is the moment.

A waiting person is a patient person. The word patience means the willingness to stay where we are and live the situation out to the full in the belief that something hidden there will menifest itself to us. Impatient people are always expecting the real thing to happen somewhere else and therefore want to go elsewhere. The moment is empty. But patient people dare to stay where they are. Patient living means to live actively in the present and wait there. Waiting, then, is not passive. It involves nurturing the moment, as a mother nurtures the child that is within her. Zechariah, Elizabeth, and Mary were very present to the moment. That is why they could hear the angel. They were alert, attentive to the voice that spoke to them and said, "Don't be afraid. Something is happening to you. Pay attention."

But there is more. Waiting is open-ended. Open-ended waiting is hard for us because we tend to wait for something very concrete, for something that we wish to have. Much of our waiting is filled with wishes: "I wish that I would have a job. I wish that the weather would be better. I wish that the pain would go." We are full of wishes, and our waiting easily gets entangled in those wishes. For this reason, a lot of our waiting is not open-ended. Instead, our waiting is a way of controlling the future. We want the future to go in a very specific direction, and if this does not happen we are disappointed and can even slip into dispair. That is why we have such a hard time waiting: we want to do the things that will make the desired events take place. Here we can see how wishes tend to be connected with fears.

But Zechariah, Elizabeth, and Mary were not filled with wishes. They were filled with hope. Hope is something very different. Hope is trusting that something will be fulfilled, but fulfilled according to the promises and not just according to our wishes. Therefore, hope is always open-ended.

I have found it very important in my own life to let go of my wishes and start hoping. It was only when I was willing to let go of wishes that something really new, something beyond my own expectations could happen to me. Just imagine what mary was actually saying in the words, "I am the servant of the Lord . . . let what you have said be done to me" (Luke 1:38). She was saying, "I don't know what this all means, but I trust that good things will happen." She trusted so deeply that her waiting was open to all possibilities. And she did not want to control them. She believed that when she listened carefully, she could trust what was going to happen.

To wait open-endedly is an enormously radical attitude toward life. So is to trust that something will happen to us that is far beyond our own imaginings. So, too, is giving up control over our future and letting God define our life, trusting that God molds us according to God's love and not according to our fear. The spiritual life is a life in which we wait, actively present to the moment, trusting that new things will happen to us, new things that are far beyond our own imagination, fantasy, or prediction. That, indeed, is a very radical stance toward life in a world occupied with control. . . . "

This was the best concise explanation of how Christopher and I feel as we wait for Noe. We really don't have expectations around when or how, but we wait in hope. And we wait actively in the 'now', trusting that there is purpose to this wait, that God is shaping us in ways that He needs to during this time. Even this devotional entry was a gift to me . . . that our wait for Noe is helping me better comprehend and internalize the real message of advent.

Merry Christmas to you all!

The Ziploc is off . . .

The Ziploc went off yesterday and already the bed feels empty. Amazing how the absence of a little 15-inch square piece of (really, really soft) cloth can create such a void. Amazing how a little girl who weighs less than six pounds can inspire such vast love. Thank you to all of you who sent us your suggestions and input. Keep 'em coming, we've got a few shots at these over the next few months.

In the end, we settled on these items:

* The blankie. We ran into a little glitch when Christopher was polishing his shoes next to it on the kitchen counter (don't ask) and the blankie still smelled like petroleum two hours later. We were mortified that we were going to have to wash it and lose the precious 'scent' that we'd imparted on it over the past week. Thankfully, a little stint in the dryer took away most of the stench (of the shoe polish that is, not of us). Christopher will be oh so pleased I've shared this detail with you ;-).

* The onesie. True proof we're morphing into parents. We went into a baby store last weekend and actually cooed at the little onesies before picking out a snazzy little pink and white striped number for Noe. And, yes, there were several moments in the following days when we'd slip it out of the bag and just smile at it, picturing Noe's little head and arms and legs populating it.

* The picture book. Is it gauche to show up at a dinner party with a camera . . . and ask the host to take photos of you? Probably. But Jan and Brent are good friends and crazy excited about little Noe, and Brent did a great job taking the first close-ups that our daughter will ever see of us. Unfortunately, I came up with the impromptu idea of taking another photo of us holding Noe's photo the following night; no shower, no makeup . So she'll be seeing both sides of mommy.

* The camera. We also sent a disposable camera so that Noe's foster mother (Virginia) can take photos of her and send the camera back up to us. So stay tuned for the results!

* The tape recorder. Christopher and I got totally in to recording things for Noe on a mini-casette recorder. We talked to her, we read to her, I sang to her, we just chatted to her while doing various things around the house. But, alas, that's going to have to wait for the next round. Kelly Jo suggested, wisely, that we send it down with her in January so that she can show Virginia how to use it.

* Christmas cards. We also sent cards to both Noe and Virginia. It hit home for me as we were picking out a Christmas card for our daughter, that she wouldn't be with us on her first Christmas. But it is what it is, and she'll be home when she's meant to be. In the meantime, we'll celebrate the gift she is to us.

So you have a gallon Ziploc bag, what would you send?

One of the things we learned at Heartsent last Monday was that we get to send a gallon Ziploc bag full of whatever we can fit down to Noe. So Christopher and I have been pondering the past week and put together a list, but I thought I'd throw it out there for any other suggestions before making the final cut. Here's what we're thinking so far:

First of all, our thought is that we'd like to cover as many senses as we can, so that said, we were thinking of including:

* A small blanket or cloth diaper or stuffed animal that we've slept with that has our 'scent' on it
* Some photos in a compact, baby-proof holder of some sort
* A mini tape recorder with tapes of Christopher and I talking, reading and singing (I found a CD and companion songbook of Latin American children's songs and lullabies)
* A disposable camera for her foster mother to fill up with shots of Noe and send back to us.

Any other suggestions?

A Guatemalan Thanksgiving

Getting our first pictures of Noe on Monday and writing the words 'THE END' for my first novel made for an especially full Thanksgiving for us this year. Thank you to everyone who has e-mailed and called for all your enthusiasm and excitement for us. We can't tell you how grateful we are to be sharing this time with you.

We had planned on spending Thanksgiving alone this year, using the day to recharge, give thanks and absorb all that has happened in the past week. So Christopher had the brilliant idea of cooking a simple Guatemalan meal to celebrate, and that we did. Our friend Marilee Wingert had sent us a recipe for Pollo Jocon (Chicken in Green Sauce) earlier, so we printed it out and made it along with black beans, Spanish rice and homemade corn tortillas. It was the first of what we're sure will be many Guatemalan meals at the Huber household.

Here's the recipe (thanks Marilee!) in case you're interested in trying:

Pollo Jocon (from False Tongues and Sunday Bread)

1 3lb. chicken, cut into serving pieces
1 small onion, quartered
1 tsp salt, or to taste
1 1/2 cups water
1/2 cup sliced scallions, green part only
1/2 cup tomatillos
1/2 cup chopped cilantro
2 cloves garlic, minced
2 tsp. flour
1 tsp. hot green chile slices

Cook the chicken, onion and salt in 1 cup of water in a saucepan over moderate heat for 30 minutes.

Meanwhile, process the scallions, tomatillos, cilantro, garlic, flour and chile into a smooth paste with 1/2 cup water.

Add the green sauce to the chicken and continue to cook over moderate to low heat for 20 minutes. Serve warm with rice.

First Pics

Well Christopher and I are just absolutely giddy. We just got back from Heartsent to make our adoption of Noemi de Leon Huber, born November 6 in Guatemala City, official, and have come back with a bit more info and PHOTOS!

Here is all we know right now:

* She was born at 5lbs and weighed in at 5lbs 8oz and 19 inches long two days ago (you grow girl!)
* She was born in Guatemala City
* The remainder of the process will take about 5-7 months -- until we can bring her home
* We can go visit her (!) in Guatemala City after the DNA test is complete, which Kelly Jo estimates will be sometime in February.
* We're keeping her name(s) Noemi de Leon, and are going to call her Noe for short.
* We're already completely, head over heels for this little girl and cannot WAIT to be with her!!!

How 'bout a BABY!

Christopher here...Sit down peeps; fasten your seatbelts.

Friday, November 17 at approximately 3:30 PST Lia and I received the phone call we didn't expect 'til at least the New Year. I was in my office and heard Lia answer the phone. Then, I heard that silence where you know something's up. By the time Lia got to my door, I was thinking, "no way, this can't be the call; I mean, I was just at the police dept on Monday this week. We just had our Immigration fignerprints taken on Tuesday. We haven't even received our infamous C.I.S. document yet." Lia opened the door. I picked up the phone.

Sure enough, Kelly Jo calmly said, "I have something to tell you. I have a referral for you. Her name is Noemi de Leon Lopez. She was born November 6, 2006, she's healthy and I don't want to tease you but she's a total cutie!"

We just sat there looking at each other, completely stunned, eyes bigger than basketballs. Mouths wide open. Speechless. Tears of joy. And what a gorgeous name!

So...tomorrow we go meet Kelly Jo and Val (Exec. Dir.) to hear more about this 2 week old girl that God has planned for us. No doubt we'll be signing gobs more paperwork, I'm sure, and we'll get a photo.

Stay tuned; we may be taking a trip over New Years to go meet our daughter(!). We'll tell you more after our appointment tomorrow.

Huber Status Update

Well Christopher went back for the third round of police clearance letters today and I thought I'd use it as an example for what this paperwork has looked like.

Friday: October 27 -- Pick up notary person at UPS store and drive her to police station to meet Christopher and the Chief of Police (Susan) to sign and notarize a letter saying that Christopher and I both have clean criminal records. Half hour later, go back to UPS store and send both copies to Heartsent.

Tuesday: October 31 -- Kelly Jo calls from Heartsent and says that the notary person crossed her 7 on the date and it looks like a 1, and that Guatemala is a stickler on things like that. She says she'll send it back to us and that Susan can just write the date (October 27) next to her name and we should be fine.

Friday: November 3 -- Christopher takes the notarized docs that Kelly Jo sent back to us over to the police station for Susan to date. She writes October 16. Chris laughs (sort of), rips up the notarized docs and says he'll be back on Monday.

Monday: November 5 -- Christopher meets another notary person at the police station and gets two more notarized copies stating we have clean records. Sends them to Kelly Jo.

Thursday: November 8 -- Kelly Jo calls and says, great job on the notary and date, but they just heard from their Guatemalan contact that some cases are being thrown out for having a 'joint' police letter and that it's best to not take the risk and just get two notarized copies for each of us as individuals.

Monday: November 13 -- Christopher goes back to the police station and meets the first notary (figures it's safe, no 7's in the date) to get 4 notarized copies, two for each of us, stating we have a clean record. Fedexes them to KJ.

So, actually, I could have entitled this -- Homestudy DONE--really, really, really! Because it's taken this long to actually get that last piece done correctly . . . but now we're on our way!

Christopher and I go to get our fingerprints taken tomorrow for the government, and then it'll be about two weeks after that that we get our official clearance for a match. So we're (almost) in the count-down to baby time!

Hague Convention Update

For those of you who are hoping for more than just diaper discussions from this blog, I thought I'd post an update on the political situation with the Hague Convention on Intercountry Adoption -- an "international treaty, completed in 1993, that is the first-ever agreement designed to govern the adoption process and protect children being adopted across national boundaries. Through their participation, the U.S., China, Guatemala, and more than 60 additional countries have signaled their intention to legitimize international adoption by agreeing that:


* Every child has the right to a permanent family, even when that family is in another country.


* Adoption of children between countries should take place via agreed-upon procedures that are ethical and orderly." (for more, see http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/articles.php?aid=1400)

In the past few weeks, there have been articles in both the New York Times and the Wall Street Journal that have given the impression that the US position on the Hague Convention and the current status of Guatemala (who has ratified the convention, but has not yet implemented the mandates) would halt adoptions between the two countries. ("Guatemala System Is Scrutinized As Americans Rush In to Adopt", NYT November 5, 2006) And that is simply misleading. In fact, here is a Q&A with Maura Harty, Assistant Secretary of State for Consular Affairs, and the one responsible for implementing the Hague Convention on Intercountry Adoption in the U.S:

Q: Guatemala ratified the Convention without having properly implemented it. What is the country’s current status?
A: The U.S. Department of State is encouraging Guatemala to pass implementing legislation this year. We’ve offered consultation and training to government officials, and believe that Guatemala will find an avenue to implement the Convention so that adoptions between our two countries can continue once we ratify.

Here, also, for those of you who want to dig further, is a statement from the US Department of State addressing the 'false rumor that Guatemala will halt adoptions': http://travel.state.gov/family/adoption/notices/notices_3042.html. This one was a rumor pointed the other way (that the 'halt' would come from Guatemala). And here's another link to the US DOS FAQ on Guatemalan adoption http://travel.state.gov/family/adoption/notices/notices_2859.html. [Thank you Steve Wingert for leading us here and for your reassurance!]

Here's the bottom line:

* Yes, the US plans to officially ratify the Hague Convention on Intercountry Adoption in 2007 and it will 'enter into force' three months after that.

* Yes, this is something that all reputable adoption agencies are fully aware of and on top of and that we discussed with ours (Heartsent) going into it.

* No, there has been no 'new' information about the convention and the standing of Guatemala since we began this process in August.

* Yes, it seems the media blew things out of proportion and put a 'fear factor' spin on existing facts and yes, that is unfortunate.

* Yes, Christopher and I are already far enough along in the process with the government that we would be grandfathered in regardless of when the ratification takes place.

* Yes, any and all of this information may change tomorrow ;-).

Thank you all for you concern -- we'll keep you updated on any new news!

Diaper Breakthrough

OK all, several of you weighed in on the diaper dilemma, so I'm publicly sharing an interesting 'hybrid model' (for lack of a better term) that Christopher and I found. Check out gdiapers.com. They use the same 'waterproof panties' type of system that cotton diapers do nowadays, but the innards are totally flushable (really) and, for the pee-only liners, compostable (Rick, who knew your worms would come in so handy!). The company is new, started by a couple who had the same questions and concerns we voiced and weren't satisfied with any of the answers available. So we'll see . . . I think we're going to give these a shot to start. Stay tuned for a test-drive update in, say, six months or so!

PS -- Yes, I did do a cost analysis on these gdiapers ;-) and they're a tad more expensive than the major brands, but not by much, a few pennies per package.

Homestudy Done . . . Again!

Well, we thought we were done a week ago, but we had a few more documents for Guatemala to finish up, which we just did yesterday. I spoke with Kelly Jo at Heartsent last week and she said that the government is moving quickly with the rubber stamp 'OK', the I-171 I think, that will clear us for a match, and that we should have that within the next four weeks or so. She also said that there is no waiting list at the moment (gulp), so we could get a match right away (gulp again).

So suddenly what Christopher and I thought would take another three to five months may happen in one. Which we are ecstatic about! But now the weight of all we have to do and learn before the baby comes is setting in. Like outfit a nursery, learn about developmental stages, reorganize closets, babyproof. Oh my!

Before, I would casually browse sites on, say, diapering systems, thinking "I'd really like to be eco-friendly in the diaper department." Now, I'm frantically scanning the fine print and thinking, "there's no way I'm going to handwash a dozen poopy diapers a day" and that pre-soaking and double washing and all isn't so eco-friendly in an area with water-shortage issues. So anyone who has suggestions on the subject, by all means chime in!

Oooh, this blog is getting fun isn't it? We're on to poopy diapers already! :-)

Homestudy Done!

Big milestone was reached today . . . we turned in the last two documents for our homestudy! The 'homestudy' is the stage after you sign on with the adoption agency, before you actually get matched with a child. It took us about six weeks to complete all the 'to-do's: two classes at Heartsent (we've taken the Orientation class and 'What to Expect the First Month Home' so far), three visits with a social worker (Christine was wonderful, very supportive and not afraid to ask anything) and about two dozen pieces of paperwork, from marriage and birth certificates to notarized financial and medical papers. Whew!

So what now? We wait. The first of two waiting periods, really. After Heartsent gets these last two gems from us, they'll compile everything and send it to the adoption section of the INS, and the government will bless us with another piece of paperwork saying we're worthy to be parents (we hope anyway). After that, we're cleared for a match.

Because we're put in a request for a newborn girl, it might be a bit of a wait just for a match. Apparently, there is more demand for baby girls from Guatemala, so the wait can be longer than for a boy. Val, the Executive Director of Heartsent, suggested a great way of deciding how important holding out for a girl was for us. She said, let's check in two months into the wait. If we're chomping at the bit and feeling sex is irrelevant at that point (of the child that is ;-)), we'll swap to a boy. If we're feeling stronger than ever about a girl, then we'll continue to wait, even more confident in our decision to do so. The second big wait comes after the match, when we wait for all the paperwork to be done in Guatemala and the US to approve and finalize the adoption so we can bring her (or him) home.

So thus begins the first of the two big waits. Here we go . . .

So strange . . . Lia Mack

Isn't it just karma that a woman with my maiden name--an odd one at that, what are the odds of another Lia Mack coming up on Google--started the Natural Childbirth Network?

Check this out . . .

Well this falls under the "never coulda convinced me five years ago that I'd be doing this" category. I'm posting the first entry for a blog where Christopher and I can recount the biggest adventure we've ever embarked upon -- adopting a child from Guatemala. (Woo, shivers writing that).

Many of you guys have shared earlier adventures with us -- to Greece, to Italy, and of course, to Costa Rica and back. But those were based in geography. They were soulful to be sure, yet they revolved around us exploring some 'place' new. This time, we're bringing you along on our wildest journey yet -- through the uncharted territory (for us anyway) of becoming adoptive parents.

We are going to try to be diligent to capture everything here, no matter how mundane. So please join us for as much or as little as you like. It feels good knowing you're all in this with us.

Big hugs,
Lia & Christopher